5 year olds are deadly...

Shortie: "Mom! I have my marshmallow gun!!"
Mom: "Oh, you do?"

*pitter-patter of feet running and the sounds of maniacal giggling*

*pop*

Mom: "OUCH!!"

Reason 651 I should...

Not wear jeans, t-shirt, work jacket and baseball cap with my hair braided back:

Evidently I look like a boy. As in "Good morning, sir, how can I ... Oh, I mean, good morning, miss. Can I help you with your bag?"

Quote of the day: MRSA

"MRSA- It’s gone rogue. It’s the Sarah Palin of bacteria."

When generously sharing animal crackers

you should always hand a classmate the butt...

Classmate 1: "Here is the butt-end. You can have it."
Classmate 2: "Assman"

Stories from class

Paramedic: "Ma'am, are you in any pain?"
Lady: *gasp* "Nooooooooooooooooooooo."
Paramedic: "Are you having trouble breathing?"
Lady: *gasp* "Noooooooooooooooooooooo."

Prof: "Bullshit. She was having trouble breathing."

Rebreather Masks

"Assembling regulator...checking for pressure and...s-s-s-s....seepage?"

"Leaks"

"Yeah, leekages. Assembling rebreather mask..."