I've recently read a series of books and in my sleep deprived post first-shift-of-rotation have been thinking. A bad sign, I know.
So, these books. The newest one released deals a lot with abuse. Of the worst sort, as bad as you can imagine. But the hero, of course, picks himself up and does good things with his life. He's a mess, but he becomes a defender of humanity rather than a predator.
It makes me wonder. I know about the cycles of abuse. I know that children who are abused are much more likely to abuse their children. Daughters who watch their mothers being abused become abused wives. It just goes on and on. And I've seen it. My step-father's father was abusive. My step-father is abusive. And my mom? We'll she's 3 for 4 on abusive husbands.
So, here is what I wonder. Just how do we break the cycle? How do I break it? I don't have children, even though I would like to someday. I've a few hurdles to overcome before that day and yet I have learned some things by tending my younger siblings.
What, you ask? Well, I have to be very very very aware that my first tendency when Shortie makes me mad is to spank him. I know that there are some people out there that say a couple swats on the bottom won't scar a child, and occasionally I agree. But it scares me to think that it's my first instinct. Being 100% honest here, I can only recall spanking Shortie once. But when he was just a little tot, he made a good point.
He lost his temper, as all 2 year olds do. Pissed at Mom for taking something or doing something, he went to hit her. She, of course, spanked him for hitting. And his reply... "You hit me when you're mad." I've occasionally been frustrated enough to want to spank him, but that stops me everytime. And when he did hit me in anger? I asked him if he likes being hit, and sent him to sit on the stairs until he could apologize and verbalize why hitting was wrong.
But off the tangent. I want to know how to change the statistics. Why do I see more kids growing up in to angry, hurt adults than those who change the cycle? I won't deny that I had it rough, but I know people have it rougher. The thought of violence horrifies me...and I wish everyone felt that way too sometimes.
But enough. I should sleep...I have to go back to work soon.
